44 - How to Avoid Christmas Overwhelm: boundaries, energy + what to stop doing this year

Christmas overwhelm is real - but it’s not inevitable. 

In this episode, I’m sharing why so many ambitious women reach December already exhausted, and how to break the cycle. We’ll explore boundaries, energy management, emotional load, and the small changes that make the biggest difference during the festive season.

If you want a calmer Christmas with less stress and more presence, this episode is for you. 

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Transcript

Sue: 0:58

Hello and welcome back to Pep Talks. How are you? How has the last couple of weeks been? Yes, a couple of weeks because last week I didn't publish a podcast episode. Reason being I hadn't recorded the episode by the time it got to about seven o'clock on the Sunday evening. And in all honesty, I couldn't think of something to share with you. I couldn't think of a topic that I particularly wanted to bring to you last week. And in the essence of prioritising my time and my energy and taking aligned intentional action and being a values-led business who wants to always make sure that I offer something of value from my heart, from me to you. I actually made a conscious decision to not try to record something for you last week. So I could apologize. I do apologize if you missed me last week. I am very sorry. But hopefully, you understand the reasons for me missing an episode last week. And hopefully, this is something that you can take as a little nudge, a little message regarding your own business, that you are in control of your time and your energy, those finite resources that I speak so much about. You are in control of those, and you get to choose where you spend your time and your energy. And if there's something that is currently happening in your business, like this, a regular commitment, and you don't have the time, energy, or inclination to provide something for free to the people who might be tapping into it, then maybe a little pause is a good thing. Maybe it's an opportunity to try something different. Maybe it's an opportunity purely to rest and just honour your own capacity. And I know I've spoken about that on previous episodes. If you want to scroll back and find the episode, way back in May time of this year, I did an episode exactly on that topic about honouring your capacity. Um, because back then I also didn't release a podcast episode because I was honouring my capacity. I am in control of my time, you are in control of your time, we get to choose how we use it. Now, with all this being said, before I get into this week's episode, I have a question for you. And if you are listening to this, I would really, really, really appreciate your responses to this question. This podcast, Pep Talks, has been running for almost a year now. And I'm going to be briefly honest with you, I am not getting the listener volumes that I had hoped for when I started producing these episodes. So if you're listening, and particularly if you have been a regular listener, I would really love to know what brings you to this podcast and which topics you love listening to so that I can start thinking about how I bring Pep Talks to you as we head into 2026. I've actually got a little nudge in my mind and in my body to pause the podcast for a little while. But your input and your feedback is really going to help me make decisions. Because if you are loving the podcast and you are loving particular aspects of it, then I can make sure I'm bringing that to the table. I can make sure that if I decide to carry on with the podcast, then you are getting exactly what it is you need, what you want, what you're enjoying. And if there's stuff that you don't particularly enjoy, I would also love to hear about that as well. Because without that feedback, I could continue producing content both here on the podcast and in my emails and on social media that just isn't resonating. And that's a waste of my time and it's a waste of your time. So I would love you to drop me a direct message on Instagram or drop me an email. Contact details, as always, are down in the show notes, and just let me know your thoughts, both positive and constructive, about PepTalks. I don't know what the future of Pep Talks is, but I know that you guys can help me flesh out that future with that feedback. So please, please let me know what your thoughts are on Pep Talks, what you've loved, what you haven't enjoyed, and we can then go from there. Right, let's get into today's episode. This is being released on a Tuesday. As you probably know if you're a regular listener, I normally release episodes on a Monday morning. The reason this is going out on a Tuesday is twofold. Firstly, I didn't have chance to get anything recorded last week in the normal Monday to Friday working hours, and I was away up in Yorkshire over the weekend, and when I got back yesterday evening, I'm recording this on the Monday, so when I got back yesterday evening, I was on my knees, and there was absolutely no way, even though I knew the topic I wanted to talk about, there was absolutely no way I was going to sit and record a podcast for you when my energy was through the floor. So I decided that I would record it today on Monday, the 24th of November, and publish it tomorrow on Tuesday, the 25th of November. And it couldn't be better timing because what I'm going to speak about in today's episode is all about the festive period. So it seems really apt that this is actually going to come out exactly a month before the big day, the 25th of December. Now, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, the points I'm going to make here are valid for any period of time where there's a lot going on, stuff beyond your regular day-to-day. And so the festive period for many of us brings exactly that. We've obviously got the juggle of work and um or owning a business and running a home and looking after our children, but an extra layer that gets added on at this time of year is all the stuff we need to do in the run-up to Christmas during this festive period. So, as I say, if you don't celebrate Christmas, but you can apply this to another season of your year, as it were, then please do. And in actual fact, everything I'm going to share is relevant 24-7, 365 days of the year. Because this is all about the things we can do to preserve our time and our energy and to make sure that we are giving our best to those that we love, whilst also making sure we hold some of that energy back for ourselves as well. And the reason I'm bringing this in at this point in the year is because I know that the festive period can be exhausting, it can be overwhelming, it can be frantic, you can end up on Christmas Day feeling frazzled, frustrated, and often resentful about all the stuff that you have had to do on top of your normal load. But as I say, everything I'm about to share could be applied tomorrow, next March, into the summer next year, whenever. Okay, so I've got a little list of things I want to talk about. The first of which is probably the most important. And it's the one that I know from the work I do with my clients and from speaking to other women in business, it's the one that people find the hardest, and that is boundaries. Having strong and healthy boundaries around your time, your energy, the people you spend time with, the places you go to, the money you are spending or not, as the case may be. And when it comes specifically to Christmas, we can also think about our boundaries around who we buy for and who we send Christmas cards to. And this can change, right? I know that years ago I bought presents for so many people. It was absolutely ridiculous. The amount of money I spent, the amount of time and energy invested in purchasing those gifts, and often, let's be honest, often they were not received with any level of gratitude or thanks. In the main, because a lot of the gifts I was buying were a bit shit because I was having to buy so many of them, it was really hard to buy thoughtful gifts for people. I was spreading my capacity too far across too many people, and I was spreading my financial budget across too many gifts, which meant I wasn't really buying what people wanted. So I'd love you to have a think about that for yourselves. Are there people that you are buying for now that you don't really have much of a relationship with? You just happen to have bought for them over the years, and so you continue to do so. Can you set some different boundaries around the money and time and energy that you are spending purchasing gifts for people who won't really be that bothered about receiving from you? And the same goes with writing Christmas cards. I don't write Christmas cards anymore. I did for many, many years, and I have chosen because of the time and energy involved, and because of the postage costs involved, I have chosen to stop sending Christmas cards. And on the one hand, that makes me feel a little bit sad because it was a great way of connecting with people that I hadn't seen in recent times, and I'd often put in a little note to update people on what's going on with the family. But equally, from a more positive standpoint, I've freed up a load of time and I've certainly freed up a load of money. When you consider that postage stamps are the price they are these days, in addition to the cost of the cards themselves, that is a huge saving financially as well as for my time. So the first point to think about is what boundaries are you putting in place around your time and your energy and your money at this time of year. Now, linked to that and linked to something I mentioned just a moment ago, the other point to think about is quality is always better than quantity. And I'm not talking here just about how many gifts you're buying or how many people you're buying for. I'm also thinking about quality time. Spending quality time with the people you love rather than loads of time when you're not really present with them. Think about the activities that you're doing. Make sure that they are quality, thoughtful activities that everybody's going to enjoy, not just the one person who particularly wants to do the thing. You do not have to do all of the things. You don't have to go to a Christmas market, you don't have to go and visit Santa, you don't have to go ice skating, you don't have to go and make a gingerbread house. You get to choose. Just because other people are doing these things doesn't mean you have to. If you don't enjoy doing these things, don't do them. Free up your time and energy for something you do love doing. And your kids and your other um relationships, your partner relationships, your relationships with the with um the rest of your family and your friends, people will love you for that because one, you are setting a great example, but more importantly, you are going to be more full of energy and joy and peace during the festive period, and therefore, those people are going to experience a much better version of you, a much happier, more peaceful, more easeful, less stressed version of you. And I personally think that a quality activity, one lovely high-quality activity, and that doesn't mean spending loads of money by the way, but one high-quality thoughtful activity with the people you love is going to give rise to some incredible memories, more so than if you do loads and loads and loads and loads of things, and all you're doing is running from this thing to the next thing to the next thing and not really appreciating the activities or the time that you're spending together. Third thing, I want you to think about presence, your presence, as opposed to presence, as in gifts. The people you love are far more interested in you spending time with them and being fully present and energized and healthy and happy than receiving a massive stack of gifts. You are more important to them than a gift. So if buying them a gift is bringing your energy down, is depleting you, is making you feel frustrated and resentful, then maybe this is an opportunity to change that. Maybe you can have a conversation with that person and say, what I'd really love to do is for us to go and have a coffee together, or for us to have a meal together, and maybe you could spend some quality time with that person rather than physically purchasing a gift. Um, I'm just looking at my little list so that I can remember what I wanted to share with you. As you can tell, I am recording this unscripted. Oh, yes, a quiz, a question to maybe ponder on when it comes to the purchasing of gifts. What can you remember that you received last year as a gift? I bet you can't remember everything. And I bet if you asked your children, they wouldn't remember be able to remember everything either. So if we think back to this quality versus quantity and presence versus presence idea or ideas, this is going to hopefully help you see that quality, smaller volume, being present is going to be far more potent than you just going around the shops getting a headache from all the all the stuff you're trying to think about buying. Now, linking on from those two um points there, we also need to remember that the highlight reel that we see on social media is exactly that. It is a highlight reel. Those people that are doing all those incredible Christmas activities, we don't know what else is going on in the background. We don't know what they have sacrificed in order for that stuff to happen. We don't know how stressed a particular individual is as a result of all these things going on. We don't know what their energy is feeling like. We don't know anything other than the fact that it looks like they're having a great time. They may not be in the background. I also want you to remember it's not a competition. Just because somebody else is choosing to do this, that, or the other does not mean that you need to do that. And I think we also need to remember that just because we did something as a child doesn't mean we need to replicate that for our children. We don't need to take on the expectations that our parents had towards us during the festive period, the shoulds that they maybe carried with them. We don't need to take those on. We can break the cycle, we can choose to do things differently, we can choose to do Christmas differently, we can choose to do life differently. So just because that was a tradition doesn't mean it needs to carry on. I want you when you're considering this to take on board the idea of embracing what you are gaining by not doing whatever it is. So whether it's the present buying, whether it's the traditions, whether it's particular activities, if they don't bring you joy or if they make you feel stressed, why are you doing them? And what will you gain by not doing them? This is something I really focus on with my clients is embracing the gains rather than focusing on what you might be losing in the process of making some changes. We also need to consider asking for help and spreading the load, spreading the responsibilities. We don't need to do Christmas solo. Even if you've done so in the past and you've taken everything on, maybe this is the year that you actually say, I'm not doing this all on my own. Somebody else can help with the food, somebody else can help with the wrapping of the gifts, somebody else can help with the purchasing of the gifts, or at least coming up with some ideas. Maybe if you are keen on still writing Christmas cards, who else could help you write those cards? Spread that load. And that doesn't need to be within your immediate family environment. You could actually spread the load beyond that as well. If you've still got parents that are alive, they I'm sure would be very happy to help, certainly when it comes to the catering side of things, if not with some of the gift buying and wrapping as well. I've touched on this already, but I think we need to have a reframe or a change in the beliefs and stories of what has happened in the past. So whether that's the stuff you did as a child that you remember from Christmases gone by, or whether it's the stuff that you've done as your children have been growing up and you've done something consistently year on year on year, it doesn't mean you need to carry on. As our kids get older, things change. We don't need to do the same activities every single year with them. We can choose to break that cycle, as I said a moment ago, and change what we do so that everybody benefits. What else? One last thing I think I will say. I've got a few more on this list, but as we're at 20 minutes and I like to keep these episodes short, I'm gonna make one more point here. If you are feeling overwhelmed and frazzled and stressed about Christmas, then that is not a Christmas thing. That is a belief thing. You are somebody who, if they are overwhelmed at Christmas, probably definitely gets overwhelmed in life. You are likely to be somebody who takes on too much responsibility, you are likely to be somebody who is a bit of a perfectionist, you're a people pleaser, you don't want to let people down, you don't like the idea of disappointing people, but in the in so doing, you are just disappointing yourself. You haven't learnt to say no as a positive, you see no as a negative, but actually, I was speaking to somebody about this this morning. We respect people who say no, we respect people who have those strong boundaries around their time and their energy. We certainly respect it in business, so why don't we respect it in our home life as well? So if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, frazzled, frustrated, maybe a bit resentful about everything that you're going to have to do over the coming weeks, firstly, this is an opportunity to break that cycle and to do things differently this year. And secondly, this is an opportunity to recognise that this is not about Christmas. This is about you, your beliefs, your habits, your patterns, the stories that you're carrying with you, and you finding it difficult to set boundaries around your time and your energy. And you're spreading yourself too thin, not just at Christmas, but throughout the entire 12 months of the year. And Christmas is just highlighting how much that becomes an issue. Now I'm not saying this from a place of judgment. I have been there. I have been there, and every time, sorry, every year at this time of year, I start to get a little bit anxious about the fact I've done absolutely sweet FA about Christmas. But I also know that because I have changed my patterns and my habits in relation to the Christmas period, I've reduced how many people I buy for, I've asked for help, I delegate things out, I spread the load, and I think about quality versus quantity, me being present rather than the pile of gifts on the floor, all of the things I've just shared with you, because I have done all of that over the last number of years, I know that when I get to Christmas morning, I will still be fully present for my family. I also know that actually I can pretty much sort Christmas in maybe a day. And my husband does all the cooking because that's what he loves to do. I tend to do a lot of the present buying, he does the cooking, the catering, and that is how we have spread those responsibilities. So I'd love for you to maybe think about how you can spread your responsibilities, where you can bring in some stronger boundaries around your time and your energy at this time of year, and then use that as evidence as you head into 2026 that you can do this in life and business full stop, not just for the next four weeks as we head up to Christmas Day, but as you head into 2026, you can take these new inbuilt strategies that you're going to create right now. You can take those into next year and beyond so that you don't feel as overwhelmed, you don't feel frantic, you feel like time is actually on your side, you feel strong in your boundaries, healthy in your boundaries, and you build that inner power that means everybody gets the best of you, and you bloody enjoy life and business as you go as well. So that is where I'm going to stop for today. I hope there are some nuggets in there for you. If there are, let me know. As I said at the start, I'd really, really, really love your insights and your feedback on pep talks anyway. But if you want to message me about this particular episode, I would equally love to hear from you. What one thing in here have I shared with you that you are going to action right now as you head into the festive period? Let me know. Drop me a message, drop me an email. Contact details, as I say, are in the show notes. And if you would love to explore a bit more on this side of stuff, on boundaries, on being present, on quality time, managing your time and energy, all of that sort of stuff. Come and join us inside the Clarity and Calm Journaling Circle Tuesday evenings on Zoom, 8 pm UK time, completely free of charge. Come and join us, see what it's all about, and explore all of this stuff for yourself. Come to get your clarity and your calm. It's even more important at this time of year when things might get busy that we keep those pockets of time for ourselves to keep us grounded as we go through what can potentially be a frantic period. Have a wonderful week. Hopefully, I will be back with you with a podcast episode next week. I am not going to make any promises at the moment because I've got a lot going on. And I'm going to record episodes from now on towards the end of this year when I'm inspired to record them. I know that's not how we do business. We should be consistently putting things out on a consistent day of the week so that our ideal clients tap into that consistency. But right now, that's what I'm feeling like I need to do. I need a little bit of flexibility in my scheduling when it comes to these podcasts so that you get the podcast episodes from me that you need to hear. And hopefully, this was one of those. So they'll be a little bit more haphazard perhaps over the next few weeks, but hopefully they will still be impactful and powerful and give you what you need to hear. Have an amazing week, or however long it might be. I will be back in your ears very soon, and I'd love to see you inside the journaling circle. Bye for now.